I Can't Even Make This Stuff Up...

By the grace of God, my parents agreed to watch the dogs while B and I went to Orlando for a few days.  I truly love taking them to Pet Paradise, but it would have been a long stretch for them and I desperately need Oscar to be kept on his schedule.  I was a little nervous since their last stay with Mawmaw and Pawpaw was nothing short of an epic disaster.  But Oscar has made great strides in the past 10 months.  While we were gone, he proved just how grown up and well-behaved he can be.  Other than a couple of pee-pee accidents, he stuck to his schedule and only cost my mom's cat an additional two of her already few lives. 
Alas, I knew my luck was wearing thin.  We returned home last Sunday and B had to leave for a work trip first thing Monday morning.  If I didn't know any better, I would swear I was being Punk'd because immediately ALL HELL BROKE LOOSE!  (Literally!)  Here's the abridged version:


Monday:  As per usual, Nugget took B's spot in the bed when he left.  I'm usually ok with this even though he's a huge pillow hog!  When the alarm went off, however, I was more rudely startled awake by the stench in the air.  Of course I opened my eyes to see two canine rumpuses in my face.  Unsure of the suspect, I shooed them both off the bed, intending to lay there for another minute before getting up to head out for our walk... And then I discovered the source of the stench.  Nugget had expressed his anal glads on my bed, on my clean (well, until that point) sheets and merely an inch from my face!  This was great, because emergency laundry is exactly what I wanted to do before work on a Monday morning... 
Anyway, I got up and we went for our 2 mile walk, during which Nugget stopped to throw up twice.  Upon putting their bowls down for breakfast when we got home, a vicious fight ensued because they both got nosy about contents of the other's bowl... which happened to be EXACTLY THE SAME!  Coincidentally, it was also no different than what they eat every. single. day.


Tuesday:  Daycare!  But of course there was a Canada-sized sinkhole that caused one of the roads to be closed and the detour cost me 20 minutes.  Dumb.  When we returned home that evening, Oscar bolted out of the car before I could get his leash back on.  He headed for the grass to make his routine "potty" stop until the Evil Wench neighbor upstairs opened her door and began walking out with Cujo her dog.  (This is the dog that lunges and growls at every living thing it sees and continually threatens Nugg, Osc and me.  The kid clearly can't play nice, so Nugg and Osc do NOT like it!).  Seeing Cujo was out, Oscar immediately bolted up the stairs and a growling/barking/violent scuffle ensued.  Evil Wench Neighbor upstairs pulled her dog inside and told me to keep my dog on a leash.  [Super-duper @$$-hole mode engaged]:  I replied with some colorful words I won't repeat here.  
I got Nugget and Oscar inside so I could put my things down and then put them on their retractable leashes so we could make our potty trip.  But Oscar couldn't wait, nor could his bowels which immediately erupted with explosive diarrhea all over my very light beige carpet.  When I say "all over", I really mean EVERYWHERE (b/c obviously standing in ONE SPOT while you crap is entirely out of the question)!   So basically, I sat on the floor and bawled for 15 minutes before I grabbed several rolls of paper towels and Nature's Miracle and began scrubbing.  I ended up just steam-cleaning the entire house.  (I clean compulsively when I'm upset).


Wednesday: Indeed, I received a lovely notice on my door from the landlord about "making sure my pets are on a leash at all times".  Really Evil Wench upstairs?  It was an ACCIDENT!  And before you and Cujo got here, everyone did what they wanted with their dogs and it was fine!   *@#*&@#*&$)#@*&$()@*&%*#*%&#!!!  So basically my blood was is still boiling.   
To make matters worse, B is all like, "Why don't you just go talk to them about it?"  Yeah, the likelihood of me being civil to them is about equal to the chance I'll be seeing a unicorn in my backyard tomorrow.  AIN'T HAPPENIN'.  And whose side is he on, anyway?!  Maybe he should stay home and clean up dog diarrhea all week...


Thursday:  Started off promising.  Oscar's poo had finally returned to semi-normal (i.e., he wasn't peeing out his butt).  We went for our morning walk and everyone was happy.  But apparently boredom set in during the 5 minutes I was in the shower because Oscar retrieved a bar of soap from inside of a basket, inside of the (closed!) bathroom cabinet and ate it!  WTH, dog?!  It was unscented, so how did he even know it was in there?!  To throw kerosene on my already hot fire, he rolled in the leftover soap "crumbs" and it was all matted in his fur and my carpet...  Super. 

RIP Bar of Soap

That evening, the usual "abnormally loud walking" noises from Evil Wench and her pretty-boy roommate upstairs were treading on my last nerve.   I'll bet the farm they're breeding elephants in their apartment and training them to walk on Pogo sticks...  After a few "knocks" on the ceiling with a broom stick didn't seem to relay the message, I damn-near put the broom itself through the ceiling.  (Ok fine... there's a hole in my ceiling.  And it's about the size of a broom).  Soooo...  I turned on two fans, the air purifier and the TV and went back to sleep. 


Friday: I took the boys for our morning walk around 6am and maybe, but not really accidentally left my stereo in the bedroom on, max volume with the bass cranked all the way up while we were gone.  Oops.  I sure hope it didn't wake the upstairs neighbors...  My payback, of course, was getting yelled and cussed at by a client at work later that day.  Then B came home from his business trip and the dogs were on their best behavior all weekend... because nothing catastrophic ever happens when I have witnesses!


Fast forward to Monday:  B left again for another week-long business trip andnoI'mnotbitteroranything.  I got the boys up and we embarked on our walk, during which they both did all of their business.  Oscar's poo was still normal (though a little light in color, presumably from the white bar of Dove soap in which he indulged late last week), so for that I was thankful.  Nugget threw up again (and I am not picking that up!)  
After we got home and I served up two delicious bowls of kibble, I jumped in the shower to start getting ready for work.  I usually peek out of the curtain and see Oscar laying right there... but on Friday he was not there.  So I called his name to see if he was near.  He didn't immediately come, but after a minute or so, he poked his head inside the curtain.  I bent down to pet him on the head and he jumped up to lick my face, planting his tongue right across my lips.  "Your breath is AWFUL!" I told him.  "It smells like $hit!"  But I didn't think anything of it, because honestly, his breath always smells like $hit.  About 30 seconds later, however, I stepped out of the shower and suddenly it hit me - a huge whiff of foul, poop-smelling air.  I immediately set out to locate the source.  And there it was... another room full of explosive diarrhea all over my beige carpet.  Except this time, it was half-eaten.  OH.  MY.  DOG.  
After I scrubbed my lips for 10 minutes with Dial soap (and dry heaved about 63 times), I again exhausted several rolls of paper towels and a bottle of Nature's Miracle, along with my patience for the week...  I am not sure what I'll do if we have one more in-house explosion, except maybe get in the car and start driving and never look back.  

WORDLESS WEDNESDAY

Does Your Dog Do This?

Oscar bites his toe nails.  Um, ewww!

Happy Monday

Nugget came to work with me for a few hours on Friday for Take Your Dog to Work Day.  He was such a good boy!  I wish I could bring him everyday...

Uhhh... I knows it's late,...

...but Imma lookin' for someone to plays ball wifs me!

THROWBACK THURSDAY

This is a pic of OSCAR during his first week with us.  He was 7 1/2 months old... He's come a LONG way from the terror he started out as!  He turns 1 1/2 this week and I couldn't be more proud of the brilliant, affectionate, adorable young man he's turned out to be.  He's completely housebroken, obeys (most) commands, walks great on a leash, and has finally accepted that NUGGET is the Alpha.  I had to learn the hard way that this dog thrives on structure and routine.  NUGGET is probably the most easy going dog ever.  He could eat now, or he could eat later.  He could go potty now, or hold it for a bit - but never would he go in the house!  I can leave him uncrated and trust that everything will be exactly as I left it when I return home (with the exception of the couch pillows or smoothed-out quilt on my bed... he likes to rearrange things, but he would never destroy anything anymore).  OSCAR, on the other hand, has to eat, pee, poo, nap, snack, etc. at precisely the same times every single day or all hell breaks loose and he suddenly loses every bit of domestication in his bloodline.  So perhaps it's more accurate to say, OSCAR  has done a great job of training me over the past 10 months...

Osc puts himself to bed...

WORDLESS WEDNESDAY

Two spooning doggy hineys

WORDLESS WEDNESDAY

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Oscar Gets Chicken Flavored BUBBLES!

Finally, I was able to upload the video.  We purchased chicken and bacon flavored bubbles from ActiveDogToys.com.  They arrived in the mail just in time for last weekend.  I was so sure these would be a huge hit...

Doodle was interested.  Nugget was not.  And as per usual, Oscar's interest did not last.  When will I learn?  I'd be better off buying them paper to shred and remotes to chew... and by "they", I surely just mean Oscar!

How to Keep a Doodle Busy... for 30 seconds

I realized a few weeks ago that my boys have never had the privilege of enjoying a Kong toy ... but for some reason we have a stash of Kong treats in their cabinet (must have been a giveaway with something).  I knew I had to quickly rectify this situation and try tirelessly to make it up to them that they've been missing out on Kong fun for so long!  I promptly ordered an original Kong and a Kong ball online.  They arrived today... 

Oscar got all but one of the treats and then immediately lost interest.  Nugget didn't even pay attention to his long enough to discover there are actually treats in there.  Figures...

THROWBACK THURSDAY

More cute, snuggly  baby Nugget pics :)

WORDLESS WEDNESDAY

My Doodle has a first name...

... It's O-S-C-A-R...  (Yeah, I sing to my dogs.  Judge me!)  And, not unlike most dog owners I know, we have a long list of (mostly ridiculous) nicknames for Oscar and Nugget.  For example, Nugget has always been my Little Nugga Thugg or McNugg or Angel Baby Love ... you get the idea.  They are mostly terms of endearment.  
Oscar's nicknames tend to suit his typically devious nature.  For example, he's Wiggles the Dog (due to uncontrollable tail and body wagging that is dangerous to the health of anyone in a 3 foot radius); Monster (do I really need to elaborate?); Kudjo (he's a little protective of his momma); and more recently he's been affectionately referred to as Doodle Snacks.  I really don't have an explanation for that last one... er, I didn't.  Until Wednesday.
As per our usual routine, I dropped the kids off at doggy daycare.  And though we still have some days left on our package at Dogtopia, I woke up WAY late and decided to just drop them at the Barker Lounge.  I'd intended to purchase another package there anyway since it's only 5 minutes from my office, so it worked.  My only real beef with the Barker Lounge is that they don't have webcams where I can watch them play and they don't offer a discount for multiple dogs.  But the boys love it and it's convenient.  
None of that really has anything to do with the point of this post, except to say that I usually know what the report cards from Dogtopia will look like since I can watch them online. At the Barker Lounge, it's always a crapshoot.  At drop off, I always remind them that humping is unacceptable behavior... just in case they've forgotten.  
Wednesday was no different.  Exhausted from a long day, on my way to pick them up I mulled over whether I should even ask if they behaved that day.  I'm always afraid of what I might hear... and praying the words "Oscar is expelled" never cross their lips.  Much to my delight, both boys had a great day.  No bad reports at all!  (Not even humping!)  I was excited to take my exhausted dogs home and enjoy some quiet time while they napped.  They typically have just enough energy to excitedly great me in the daycare lobby.  And though they try to sit up in the car to watch out the windows on our way home, I can look in the rearview and see eyes drooping and heads nodding.  Yes, there are few things better than a worn out puppy!
As luck would have it, we hit a bit of traffic on the way home and our 10 minute ride ended up closer to 30.  Now I know I've previously mentioned how prompt Oscar is when it comes to expecting his meals.  Sometimes, you might think waiting another 5 minutes will result in his imminent starvation and death.  So why would Wednesday be any different?  It wouldn't...
Around about the 4th cycle sitting at the same traffic light (not having moved an inch), I began smelling a delicious aroma which I naively assumed was coming from a nearby restaurant.  But the source of the scent was much closer than that...  It was in my backseat!  Turns out B had left a box of organic pretzel and Goldfish cracker-type mix he took along on his work trip last week.  Oscar was so hungry he ate through the top of the box and began helping himself to the snack mix inside.   It was merely 5 minutes past dinner time!  When I asked what he was doing, he looked up at me with a beard full of crumbs.  Of course traffic began moving just then, so I missed the photo opp.  But I'm happy to announce he's lived up to his most recent nickname.  Doodle snacks... yes.  Yes he does.

THROWBACK THURSDAY

Another cutie patootie baby pic of Nugget.  This was the night I brought him home.  He was about 10 weeks old... such a cute little booger!  (And what a rolly polly chubby boy he was!)  We, of course, immediately stopped at Petsmart to begin what continues to be a ridiculous amount of spoiling... And I wouldn't have it any other way :)