Alas, I knew my luck was wearing thin. We returned home last Sunday and B had to leave for a work trip first thing Monday morning. If I didn't know any better, I would swear I was being Punk'd because immediately ALL HELL BROKE LOOSE! (Literally!) Here's the abridged version:
Monday: As per usual, Nugget took B's spot in the bed when he left. I'm usually ok with this even though he's a huge pillow hog! When the alarm went off, however, I was more rudely startled awake by the stench in the air. Of course I opened my eyes to see two canine rumpuses in my face. Unsure of the suspect, I shooed them both off the bed, intending to lay there for another minute before getting up to head out for our walk... And then I discovered the source of the stench. Nugget had expressed his anal glads on my bed, on my clean (well, until that point) sheets and merely an inch from my face! This was great, because emergency laundry is exactly what I wanted to do before work on a Monday morning...
Anyway, I got up and we went for our 2 mile walk, during which Nugget stopped to throw up twice. Upon putting their bowls down for breakfast when we got home, a vicious fight ensued because they both got nosy about contents of the other's bowl... which happened to be EXACTLY THE SAME! Coincidentally, it was also no different than what they eat every. single. day.
Tuesday: Daycare! But of course there was a Canada-sized sinkhole that caused one of the roads to be closed and the detour cost me 20 minutes. Dumb. When we returned home that evening, Oscar bolted out of the car before I could get his leash back on. He headed for the grass to make his routine "potty" stop until the
I got Nugget and Oscar inside so I could put my things down and then put them on their retractable leashes so we could make our potty trip. But Oscar couldn't wait, nor could his bowels which immediately erupted with explosive diarrhea all over my very light beige carpet. When I say "all over", I really mean EVERYWHERE (b/c obviously standing in ONE SPOT while you crap is entirely out of the question)!
Wednesday: Indeed, I received a lovely notice on my door from the landlord about "making sure my pets are on a leash at all times". Really Evil Wench upstairs? It was an ACCIDENT! And before you and Cujo got here, everyone did what they wanted with their dogs and it was fine! *@#*&@#*&$)#@*&$()@*&%*#*%&#!!! So basically my blood
To make matters worse, B is all like, "Why don't you just go talk to them about it?" Yeah, the likelihood of me being civil to them is about equal to the chance I'll be seeing a unicorn in my backyard tomorrow. AIN'T HAPPENIN'. And whose side is he on, anyway?! Maybe he should stay home and clean up dog diarrhea all week...
Thursday: Started off promising. Oscar's poo had finally returned to semi-normal (i.e., he wasn't peeing out his butt). We went for our morning walk and everyone was happy. But apparently boredom set in during the 5 minutes I was in the shower because Oscar retrieved a bar of soap from inside of a basket, inside of the (closed!) bathroom cabinet and ate it! WTH, dog?! It was unscented, so how did he even know it was in there?! To throw kerosene on my already hot fire, he rolled in the leftover soap "crumbs" and it was all matted in his fur and my carpet... Super.
|RIP Bar of Soap|
Friday: I took the boys for our morning walk around 6am and maybe,
Fast forward to Monday: B left again for another week-long business trip
After we got home and I served up two delicious bowls of kibble, I jumped in the shower to start getting ready for work. I usually peek out of the curtain and see Oscar laying right there... but on Friday he was not there. So I called his name to see if he was near. He didn't immediately come, but after a minute or so, he poked his head inside the curtain. I bent down to pet him on the head and he jumped up to lick my face, planting his tongue right across my lips. "Your breath is AWFUL!" I told him. "It smells like $hit!" But I didn't think anything of it, because honestly, his breath always smells like $hit. About 30 seconds later, however, I stepped out of the shower and suddenly it hit me - a huge whiff of foul, poop-smelling air. I immediately set out to locate the source. And there it was... another room full of explosive diarrhea all over my beige carpet. Except this time, it was half-eaten. OH. MY. DOG.
After I scrubbed my lips for 10 minutes with Dial soap (and dry heaved about 63 times), I again exhausted several rolls of paper towels and a bottle of Nature's Miracle, along with my patience for the week... I am not sure what I'll do if we have one more in-house explosion, except maybe get in the car and start driving and never look back.