I Can't Even Make This Stuff Up... Part 2

I'm so tired that I can't even remember what day it is, let alone where I left off in my previous like-titled post.  I'll start by saying this:  Just when you think you're out of the woods, a hungry mother bear snatches you right out of your boots and drags you back into the thick, dark forest... and then she and her cubs maul and eat you.  Or maybe that was just a disturbing dream I had.  Sometimes I wish I did have trouble sleeping, if only to get a prescription for Lunesta in hopes of benefitting from the amnesia side effect.  
After a $300 vet visit, turns out Giardia was the reason for Oscar's explosive bowels and my mostly permanent loss of sanity.  With the treatment, he was almost back to normal overnight, so I didn't have any reservations about sending him and Nugg to the kennel for 2 days last weekend while B and I went to the beach to see his family.  In fact, this was the first time I'd left them anywhere and didn't call to check on them at all - mainly out of respect because I knew they were crazy busy.  Fine, I forgot...  I'm a terrible mother!
B went to pick them up from the kennel on Tuesday evening and as soon as they got home, I knew something was off with Oscar.  He was happy to see me, but was a bit lethargic.  And he was panting heavily - this from a dog who can run 2 miles in the crazy Carolina humidity and never pant!  He was also laying stretched out across the floor rather than curled up on the couch where he typically prefers to lay.  So I got down on the floor beside him to administer the usual healthy dose of belly rubs when I discovered his abdomen was extremely bloated and very hard.  I knew what this could mean, so I immediately called our vet, praying they weren't gone for the day.  No one answered, but his tech recognized my number and called me back right away.  (I seriously <3 Cotswold Animal Hospital!)  After I gave her the rundown, she urged us to get him to the emergency vet.  Not freaking out... not freaking out... not freaki...IMFREAKINGOUT!

This was lethargic Snacks

It wouldn't be an official blog post about doggy chaos if I didn't admit I bawled.  I was 100% convinced he had bloat and would need surgery and I'd have to leave him there for a few days and also not eat for the next 6 months just to pay the bill.  As if I wasn't already aggravated and exhausted enough, getting him signed in to the pet ER was more intense than if I was signing myself into a hospital for a heart, lung and brain transplant while simultaneously giving birth to sextuplets.  I've never seen so much paperwork!  To make things infinitely worse, there was a couple with 2 small children waiting to enjoy visitation hours with their animal and thought it appropriate to play tag while screaming and clopping around in flip flops and Stride Rites... ARE. YOU. KIDDING. ME?  As are most hospitals and vets scantily decorated, this one was no different... and it's made out of solid concrete.  You can only imagine the intensity of the acoustics.  I was sure that someone else was going to be needing an ER that night as well... either me for putting my fist through a wall or a parent after being pushed into traffic... HA just kidding (kinda).  Now I'm not saying it happened, and I'm not saying it didn't... but all I know is B left the exam room to "use the restroom" and by the time he came back, 2 kids were crying.  Seriously though, I don't have kids (for good reason!) so I sure as hell don't want to put up with yours while I'm freaking the eff out at the EMERGENCY VET because my dog is sick.  Some people have ZERO common sense.  Actually, if it's possible to have negative amounts of common sense, that is what most people have.  But just in case, I did ask Dr. Smith if he was a pediatrician or a veterinarian because it appeared some of the people in his waiting room were mistaken.  
Regardless, I do love Carolina Vet Specialists and Dr. Smith, who is very attractive, saw us immediately and took an x-ray.  He returned quickly with the films and relieved most of our worries by confirming that Oscar's stomach had not flipped, but it was approximately 7 times its normal size!  And filled with food!  Oscar would never have been able to pass that on his own since his stomach was so stretched, so Dr. Smith shot him up with some apomorphine to induce instantaneous vomiting.  MY POOR BABY!  He threw up 5.5lbs of undigested kibble...  

It wouldn't be normal of me NOT to get a picture

He was so pitiful!  Woozy from the narcotic and pathetic looking from having just regurgitated an entire week's worth of meals, he kept falling asleep standing up.  Fortunately, we got to take him home with us that night since he was completely empty.  Did I mention he was so adorably drowsy!?  Dr. Smith gave Oscar a hug and kiss when he released us.  [Cue: HEARTS MELTING]  In due process, he was awarded some new nicknames like, "Doodle NO-Snacks", "Fatty", "Mr. Piggy" and "Momma's Little Tubbers Lovers"...  In case we needed reaffirmation, yes, Doodle snacks.

If you threw up 5.5lbs of food, you'd roll in the grass, too!

Dr. Smith was certain Oscar had consumed all of this within the past 12 hours at the kennel.  While I was relieved that he was okay, I was furious that this happened!  The kennel had no explanation when Brian stopped by to talk to the manager the following morning.  They did reimburse us for the entire cost of the emergency vet visit, no questions asked.  The manager called me at work later that morning to apologize and check on Oscar.  That was a nice gesture, but I'm iffy on whether I'll be taking them back there.

This is what he did for the rest of the night and the entire following day.  Hey, throwing up 1/10 of your body weight is exhausting!

Truly, the chaos never ends.  I'm still waiting for Ashton Kutcher to pop out of the bushes with a camera crew informing me I've been Punk'd.  Yes, Ashton Kutcher would make everything better...