I Know You're Jealous of My Dog-Snot-Covered Windows...

... and furry seats, floors and clothes.  You see me rollin' down the road and you're thinkin' to yourself, "Shoot... look at those smudged windows and those dog faces hanging out, drooling all down the side of her car.  That is not tacky at all!"  I'm not oblivious.  I can see how cool we are.  However, I simply can't take credit for all that awesomeness as it is the doodle who tends to rule this roost.  My efforts to enjoy, clean or redecorate anything I own or accomplish anything productive for that matter are often derailed by drama doodle and his trail of destruction.  Let me explain:

Dog Rules - the Doodle Version 

1. Always greet parents with uncontrollable tail wagging and wiggles and whip their legs with hyper tail repeatedly until bruised to your satisfaction.
2. Ensure uncontrollable tail wagging and wiggles make it impossible for them to attach the leash to your collar.
3. Pee yourself.
4. Pace 57 circles around mom before you squat to poop; add 20 laps if it's below 30 degrees outside.
5. Give your brother the stare-down before pouncing into high speed chase mode.
6. Walk through every patch of mud you see before re-entering the house.
7. Ensure all mud transfers from paws to carpet.
8. Find a toy with stuffing and tear toy to shreds, leaving trails of said stuffing throughout house.
9. Steal towels from the kitchen and happily place them at mom's feet no less than 23 times a day.
10. Always interrupt a peacefully sleeping Nugget to instigate a loud, slobber-slinging wrestling match.
11. If brother has a bone, bark loudly and incessantly until he attacks you or dad puts the shock collar on you.
12. When dad tries to boot you out of the bed, growl at him viciously and then position yourself on his back to sleep for the remainder of the night.
13. When not allowed in the bed, whine incessantly for 4 hours and then alternate with glass-shattering howls until someone wakes up and beats you with pillows.
14. During neighborhood walks, always pick fights with bigger, meaner dogs... and then run like hell.
15. Never allow mom or dad to sit on the couch and relax without you in their lap.

Yup, I'd say that about sums it up...