Let me put it this way...

...having two large puppies is legit.  (Well Nugget is two, but in Golden years, he is still very much a puppy).

This morning and always 5 minutes BEFORE my alarm goes off, I was rudely awakened by the sound of Nugget dry-heaving, on the bed AND STANDING OVER MY FACE!  (WTF?  Seriously, wtf?!)  I freaked and quickly shoved him off the bed, at which point he literally flew (I'm not kidding... a cape actually rolled down his back from a secret hiding place inside his collar) to the corner of the room and puked not once, not twice, not three times, but four... yes, four times in front of my closet door.  Why does it always have to be in front of my closet?  Oscar frequently pees there and Nugget frequently vomits there thus making it absolutely necessary that I turn on every blaring light in the room before I even step out of bed, lest I put my foot down in something warm, wet and squishy.  SUPER annoying since I'm such a golden ray of sunshine at 7am,

So I'm on my hands and knees Nature's-Mircaling the hell out of vomit stains on my bedroom carpet when Oscar decides he cannot possibly control his bowels or bladder for another flippin' minute and therefore craps and pees on the floor in the hallway.  Are you kidding me?  While the vomit stains soaked in carpet cleaner, I trolled down the hall still in my underwear, into the awful stench to clean Oscar's mess.  And while Oscar's messes were stewing in carpet cleaner, I trolled into the living room still in my underwear to pick up the astronomical amount of stuffing from the inside of a stuffed toy that Oscar single-handedly annihilated in the .62 seconds I had my back turned.  While I was cleaning, Nugget hung his head in shame and Oscar pranced proudly about the house squeaking loudly the squeaker he retrieved from inside aforementioned toy.  He will never make a good surgeon.  His removal techniques are far too sloppy (some might say violent) and he's been known to leave victims patients lying open on the table unnecessarily.

These monsters completely negate any and all attempt I make to ensure B always comes home to a clean place.  All I can really do is cry laugh.  My life would be so dull without this chaos...